Date
by daverezi
Summary: I wrote this when i was bored -Sonadow; yaoi- If you need a good laugh, this is your kinda fic! -Crackfic; not for the people without humor!- rated for swearing, implied stuff, and some other stuff. And Shut up! I wasn't on drugs while writing this!
1. One

Date -- Sonadow

**A/N: :3 I've been meaning to write some moar Sonadow... =) plz r&r and enjoy~! (slight comedy here and there~)**

_It's like sucking the life out of this.. _It was the only thoughts that came to mind when a hedgehog was sitting on a bench, watching as his 'so called cousin' was being asked out by a onyx-colored hedgehog. _You'd think others would take this wrongly! I mean, it's a bottle of water... and i look like i'm giving it a blowjob or something.. _Suddenly his mind wandered away as he watched his cousin look like he was finally going to give in.

"Ya know, i woulda never thought Sonic would give in to such a sexy hedgehog like that **soo **fast!" A voice broke into his consentration, which made him turn his head--lips still connected to this... water bottle--and looked right at a red and black kitsune. "And why the hell does it look like you're givin' your bottle a--!"

"The narrator just made me think that!"

"heh, he or she _must_ be weird." A small chuckle was made between the two. "So, why are you watching them~? Unless you're spying or somethin'." The kitsune--who the narrator decided to call Dusk--asked, flipping her black hair back, green orbs shining brightly.

"And if i am...?"

"Silver! It's not right to spy! ...Without a friend! Can i help you?" Dusk asked Silver--or so was his name--grinning.

"Err.. i guess, if you really wan--!" The off white-hedgehog was cut off by footsteps. The two turned around to see Shadow and Sonic--or that's what the narrator said their names were, just like trying to mistaken Silver--walking away in different directions.

"You follow Sonic; i'm going afta Shadow!" Dusk said. In a blink of an eye, the kitsune was there, leaving Silver there to not even get to put in a word to this. "OMG, POOR SILVAAAA!" The narrator randomly screamed, catching everyone in the audience and the ivory hedgehog's eyes. "Er, sorry... moving on!" Randomly, again, the narrator made the scene change and now we leave Silver and Sonic to go check up on Shadow and Dusk.

----At Shadow's house/apartment thing! 8D----

After a few minutes of figuring out where the black hedgehog--or, Shadow, as most people called him; the ultimate gay-form as the narrator likes to call him(don't mind that bitch)--lived and finding him, Dusk went up to his house and looked through the window. A blush arosed onto her cheeks as she realized what he doing when she peeked inside. The window she was looking through the window that was connected to his bathroom.

Someone who was passing by saw what Dusk was doing and instantly yelled; she was old and a human being with a red bag in her left hand. Rage was in her eyes as she aprroached the younger female.

"Bad Kitty!"

"What?" Dusk turned around and jumped when she saw the old lady. "OWW!" The lady--who was really old and always hit Alex everytime they were both caught together in _Madagascar--_started to hit Dusk extremely hard with her bag that probably filled with thousands apon thousands of rocks, metal, and weights.

"What is your problem, lady!?!" The ruby and ebony colored kitsune continuely screamed at the old hag as she started to discover bruises all over her body.

"BAD KITTY!"

"I'm not even a cat, dammit!"

"BADDDD KITTY!!!!"

"Are you color blind?!"

"BAD KITTY!!!"

"I'm going to sick some damn cats on you!"

"BAD KITTY!"

"Ohmygawd, shut the fuck up!"

"BAD KITTY!"

"Are you a broken record?!"

"hey! Why don't you both shut up?!" A new voice broke in between the two fighting idiots. "Gawd, i can't even take a fucking shower in peace; i should call the--Dusk? What are you doing here?! Didn't i set a restrainting order on you, from that one insident?!"

"Yes, you did. But... i love you too much to stay away!"

"Yeaaa... get out of here!" Shadow said.

"Are you dating Sonic?!" A smirk crept onto her lips.

"And what makes you think that?" he crossed his arms over his now-wet chest.

"Cause Silvy told me that you keep trying to ask him out, and that you gave him a hickey last week, and that Knuckles denied you and--!"

"Knuckles didn't deny me!" Anger arose. Silence for a moment before resuming. "I denied him."

"Yea, sure you did, you smexy thang!" The old lady continue to listen to them.

"Don't call me that."

"Ok then, Shaddie-kun..."

"Only Sonic can call me that!!" Silence. "Er, i mean...never mind!"

"Aww! You _do _like Sonic!"

"No, i don't! Wait, didn't i tell you to leave!?"

"Noo.. you're imagining things, sexy."

"I SAID STOP CALLING ME THAT!!"

"Why not? You are..." Dusk trailed off. "Stop denying the facts, baby. You're so uber smexy!"

he started to fluster slightly, "Just shut up and get the hell outta here!"

"Whatever you say, my smexy little Shaddie-kun. Oh, but before i do, might i suggest getting some better shower curtains? Everyone can see your... thing through it.." A small giggle was all she finished off with before running away.

"Fuck you!" he called out to her before turning away and continuing his shower inside.

---Wherver Dusk ran off to...---

The kitsune flipped open a blackberry phone and started to dial Silver's number that she happened to find online as she was on google looking up stuff about ways to make Shadow fall in love with her, which everyone knows will never happen in a million years, or even in her own dreams.

"hello?" Silver's voice spoke into the device as he held the reciever up to his head.

"Silver! I think Shadow and Sonic are... going out together!" Suddenly, the narrator started to play some dramatic music in the background as she said those words. "Um, what the hell?"

"I don't know, the narrator's very perverted, and random, i guess. Anyway, I think so too; i accidentally walked in on Sonic as he was finishing a conversation with someone on the other end of his phone. he was saying things like 'i can't wait for tonight baby' and 'i love you too'. I think they're definitely together!" Some more dramatic music played in the background around Silver and Dusk as they continued on with their conversation.

"I hate the irony of Kerri."

"Who the hell is Kerri?!"

"That's the narrator's name."

"Oh..really?"

"Yea; dumb bitch is making me sound like a retard!"

"No offense, Silver, but you already are."

"No! Most people just think i'm gay or some other crap like that."

"And the fact that your head looks like a marijuana leaf."

"Excuse me?"

"Your head is a drug, dude."

"Like i care."

"And now with the fact that you give water bottles blowjobs... geesh."

"Oh, thanks for reminding me," Silver said sarcastically.

"No problem, buddy!" Dusk grinned, though Silver couldn't see it. "Now, we have to focus! Did Sonic mention where he and Shaddie--i mean, Shadow are going?"

"I think it was Olive Garden."

"_**YOU THINK?!**_"

"Sorry, i know! Damn, you sound like you're PMSing.."

"And if i am?"

"Holy crap. That's scary."

"It'll be even worse if my foot's up your a--!"

Silver interupted her, "Crap! Sonic's about to leave."

"That means Shadow'll be leaving pretty soon, too."

"Meet up at Olive Garden?"

"Only if you pay the bill."

The off-white hedgehog sighed, "Fine. Only if you don't bleed everywhere."

"Touche, Silvy." Dusk said before shutting her phone and running off into the direction of where the resturaunt was. "Touche.."

--**TO BE CONTINUED... C:--**


	2. Two

Date -- Sonadow (Part 2)

**A/N: I don't own Shadow, Sonic nor Silver. I own Dusk, however. r&r and enjoy~!**

Green orbs watched carefully as the object in front of him slowly erected from the base of it. _What the fuck, narrator?! _Sonic thought angerily at me as the thought suddenly started to be the only thing on his mind. _Stupid perverted narrator; it's a effin' straw and she's making it sound like a...well, you know. _It was getting longer every few moments as air pushed through. If you haven't already figure it out, Sonic and Shadow are at the restraunt; the azure one's wandered off to how he likes his straws whileas his partner's mind was off somewhere else that you probably don't wanna know.

have you guess it yet? Yea, it's exactly what you're thinking. "Perverts." Sonic mumbled under his breath; who he referring to was a mystery.

Across the restraunt was Silver and Dusk--or, as the narrator use to call her, Duck--were hiding in a booth. The two friends--or pervs, hehe--were watching the couple from where they sat, spying on their date.

"have you bled yet?" Silver snickered, as he watched Shadow get up to go use the bathroom.

"have you stop being gay yet?" Dusk retorted, "And speaking of being not straight, go follow Shadow."

"EWW! Why?!"

"Cause, i bet you've always wanted to know what his dick looks like."

"NO! Maybe that's your--and a bunch of Shadow fan-girls--fanatasy, but not me."

"I'll pay you 30 bucks."

"NO! Can't you hear?!" Silver challenged.

"50?"

"...Deal. But i want my money up front."

"25 now, and 25 after _if_," She emphasised the word 'if' on purpose, "you tell me what size is it."

"EW!! No!"

"Then no deal."

"how am i suppose to even know?!"

"Compare it to your's, duh!" Dusk said, "What are you anyway? Like.. 3?" She broke down laughing.

"Oh, haha.." Silver said sarcastically laughing, "And what's your cup size? Like 32A?"

"Actually, no. It's 36C."

"Whatever! That's still pretty small!"

"Yo, you're gunna loose Shadow if you keep stalling," Dusk said, all of a sudden getting serious. "While you work it off with Shaddie, i'll go try to talk to Sonic."

"Where's my money?"

"It's in my pants, dammit! I'll just give you the whole thing later! Now, go." She said, shooing him towards where to Shadow had been going off to.

"Ew.." Was the last comment Silver made before running off after Shadow.

----(**In Da Bathroom. =P**)----

By the time Silver had gotten to the bathroom, the ebony hedgehog had just gotten into a stall. _Crap, how in the hell am i suppose to find out his... thing's size?! Why do i have to do this? I could've stolen the money later! _The ivory hedgehog thought to himself as he tried to think of a way to catch this.

"Shadow?" Randomly, because the narrator is a complete idiot and likes to ruin silence, Silver asked, kinda mad at Kerri--or the narrator--for making him speak. But, then again, it was better then making him start to sing "Sexy Can I?" randomly in the bathroom. That, and Shadow would think he was trying to hit on him, which was the exact oppsite of what he wanted to do.

"Wha..? Who are you?" Shadow called from inside of the stall.

"It's Silver."

"Silver! Wh-what are you doing here?"

"I'm on a date with..." he thought for a moment, "Dusk....?"

"Dusk?! Why her?"

"Cause i'm attracted to her...i guess.."

"Ew, why? She's ugly!"

"Nu-huh! She's smokin' hot, and the fact that she paying the bill, paying me to get a glimspe at your cock, and then taking us out to--"

"D-did you say what i think you just said!??!"

"What? That s-she's paying the bill?"

"No..th-that she's paying you to sneak a peek at my..." All of a sudden, the narrator cut in.

"Yes, dammit! Dusk wants to know what size you are! Gees, just let Silver see and it'll all be over, got it?!" She yelled excitedly and angerily at the same time, as she continued to type the scene that was about to unfold..

"Wow... she just basically told you." Shadow couldn't see, but Silver was burning up red from what she said.

"Oh, Silver! Why didn't you just ask?"

"Wait, what?!" Silver was caught off guard. What the hell was Kerri thinking? Making Shadow so OOC?! Insane, i say!

Suddenly, Shadow came out of the stall and walked right up to Silver. Instantly, the off-white hedgehog tried to back away, but then backed up into a wall. _Oh, gee, i wonder who did this? _Silver sarcastically thought, looking out into the audience with a redden face.

"If you want to see, then just look; it's not that hard!" And from that moment, it seemed as if Kerri decided to be funny, yet stupid, and make the bathroom scene more... _sensual._

----(**Back At Da Tablee..**)----

As the other scene had started to play, Dusk went over to where Sonic was and started to ask him random questions.

"So, how long have you wanted to get into Shadow's pants?"

"What!?"

"For me, it's been years. But it'll neva happen. I've already got a boyfriend anyway. have you ever met this guy named Spin? Well, yea, i'm dating him. he's a sexy rapper--"

"Why do i care?"

"Cause... it's me, sweetie. I'm a fuckin' pornstar, you should care!"

"I don't care if you're the queen of england! I don't care about you or this 'Spin' guy are going out, or your career, or...or... anything about you!" Sonic shouted.

"Fine Sonic! We're through!" Dusk huffed.

"What? I wasn't even going out with you!"

"Yea, but..." She pointed to behind him. Turning around, there was a fuming pink hedgehog, flaming green eyes ablazing.

"Shit!" The 'so-called brave' hero squeaked.

"Sonic the hedgehog! You were _cheating _on me with this whore?!" Amy said, flailing her arms.

"Whore!? Look who's talking, Pinky!" Dusk snapped, slapping Amy across the face and watching her randomly jump off a cliff, and into a pile of poop--blame Kerri, please; she's too random to write a well-written story--with Sonic and Dusk laughing.

After a few minutes, Shadow came back from the bathroom, cleaning off any last-minute cum that might have still been there. So kinky; doing it... in a restraunt bathroom? Oh-la-la~!

"Shadow, finally! Get your ex-girlfriend, or whatever, away from me! She keeps asking me weird questions like--"

"--Like what the size of my dick is?" Shadow finished, smirking slightly.

"Yea! Wait... how did you know?"

"Silver asked me."

"EW! Silver?! he's gay!?"

"I guess..."

"No! he's bisexual!" Dusk butted in.

"No one asked you." Sonic said.

"Is he?" Shadow asked.

"Yea! That's why he was all gaga over Blaze!"

"Makes sense." The azure speedster said.

"Anyway, Dusk, get outta here, and take your 'boyfriend' with you."

"B-boyfriend? Spin's here?!"

"No, i meant Silver."

"EW! I would NEVER date Silver!"

"And what's wrong with dating me?!" Silver huffed, popping out of nowhere and glaring at Dusk.

"Nothing, Silvy. Just, you're not my type nor are you experience enough for me." She grinned.

"And **Shadow** is?!"

"Yea, actually."

The conversation ended at that because the song "Forever" started to play and Dusk ran outside to go dance to it, while the waitress kicked out Silver for getting cum all over her bathroom floor.

"Dammit!" Dusk said, after her song ended and realized they couldn't get back into the restraunt. "Do you think they'll, you know, go at it tonight?"

"Possibly, but Dusk i have to tell you something." Silver said quietly.

"What is it?"

"Well, you know how i had to go in the bathroom and see the size of Shadow's... you know?"

"Yea, what about it?"

"Well, i got to see more then that..." A blush covered Silver's cheeks.

"Wait, you...you did da bump with Shadow?!"

"The what?"

"It's what i call sex."

"Oh, well, yeah..." The blush darkend slightly.

"Well...?"

"Well what?!"

"What size is it?"

"...9."

"EEEK! OMG!" Dusk started to squeal loudly.

"Shh! Don't tell him i told you, ok!?" Silver demanded.

"Ok, ok i won't...i'll only tell the internet and all of Shadow fan-girls..."

"Dusk..." Poor Silver; his secret might just get discovered.

--**To Be Continued C:--**


	3. Three

Date -- Sonadow ([Final] Part 3)

**A/N: Awww, and i had fun writing this random story! X3 Tell me if you want some more stories like this please; i really like to write a random love story-thing! xD i don't own Son, Shadz, or Silvy; i only own Dusk(or Duck, hehe~!)**

--At Shadow's Apartment/house thing! :D--

Silver and Dusk--or Duck--were now outside of Shadow's house-thing that he lives at, looking inside of a window that was connected to his bedroom, giggling and laughing from outside. Secretly, at the same time, Dusk had brought along a camera for this exact moment: to catch them in the act, so the narrator could put it up on Youtube and make millions apon millions of dollars to make copies of it, and ship around the world. Achem; no one told you that, it's all in your imaginations!

Anyway, the camera was catching every movement Shadow and Sonic were making; from their kisses to their... well, you know, right? Well, of course you do! Otherwise i'd have to explain this to you! "Wow, Shaddie-kun really knows how to lay his moves on Sonic real well, hehe~" The red and black annoying kitsune announced, even though it was totally obvious to the marijuana-leaf headed hedgehog--who should be adored, or be envyed, by everyone, or _else--_named Silver.

"Oh, hell yea!"

"Did he do any of these moves on you?" Dusk asked intimidatingly.

A small blush was on his face. Some silence. It continued on for a few minutes, before a "N-no." Came as a response.

"Awww, Silvy! Don't be so damn timid! We've all done it before; nothing to be nervous about, even if that was your _first _time.."

"F-First time?! I've done it more than once!" Silver stammered; why did she think he was a virgin just an hour and thirty minutes ago?

"Oh, really? Then who'd you do it with before??" She asked. Silence stayed for a moment.

"..Bla--"

"BLAZE?! WTF??? Are you mad, dude? Th-that fire kitty-cat? how'd _this_ happen?" She yelled at once. In her other hand was a bag of Chex, the Bold party blend; yummy!

"W-well, it was late at night and we were bored..."

"Bored? BORED!?" Suddenly--almost randomly--she bursted out laughing at him, "If Shadow was at _my_ house and we were 'bored', oh you know how i'd want to get into his pants." A cheeky grin crossed the annoying furball's face.

"But you have Spin! how can you be so unfaithful?!" Silver yelped.

"Un-unfaithful? What do you mean? Wasn't Shaddie unfaithful to Sonic by being with _**you!?**_" She said, hands on her hips.

"S-so? It was your fault for making me do what i had to do."

"Oh, shut up, you know you--" Suddenly, she was cut off by a sudden loud moan, making both the red and white creatures turning back to Shadow and Sonic. They were in a certain _position _now; Dusk--actually, the narrator called her Duck at first, until she realized that didn't make any sense--gawked at this and then turned towards Silver, who suddenly was drooling now.

"Silver...?" Silence; his spit was hanging out now, and landing on the ledge of his window. "Silver?!? SILVER!!!" She snapped her fingers in front of hise face, trying to knock him out of this spell he was in. Silver shook his head suddenly at hearing his name ringing in his ears.

"So, you like that?" She giggled.

his face got pretty red now, he could almost be mistaken for Knuckles by looking at him. "**NO!**"

"Yes, you do. Don't lie; if i were you, i'd join them." She grinned towards him, trying to persuade him to just randomly go into Shadow's apartment/house and "join" them.

A frown appeared on his face. "N-O. That spells no. Get that through your fluffy lil' head!"

"And get this through your _fucked-up_ head: you're a horny bastard!"

"Gee, what a great girlfriend you are." Silver said sarcastically.

"I only live to please my boo." She rolled her eyes.

Suddenly, another noise disturbed the two--who apparently like to make fun of each other and call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, said the idiot who made this lame fic(xD)--and they, once again, looked through the window. This time, Shadow had his back to the bed and his legs were dangling over Sonic's shoulders, while Sonic was position in front of _that._

"OMG, that's smexy!" Dusk squealed.

"Since when did you like Sonadow?" Silver asked.

"Excuse me? What the fuck is 'Sonadow'?"

"It's Sonic and Shadow's pairing in the human world, ya dumbass!" Kerri shouted from the auidence, throwing popcorn at the kitsune.

"Well, **SORRY** for not knowing that!" She exclaimed.

"You have to admit: Yaoi is very sexy."

"Er, yaoi? Why haven't i heard of 'Sonadow' or 'Yaoi' before?"

"Cause you're not hip, Duckie!" The ivory hedgehog teased.

"DUCKIE? Only my creator--and the exception of Knuckles, Shadow and Rouge, cause they'll kick my ass if i said otherwise--can call me that! And i am soooo much hipper than you! Unlike you, i'm not passive in a relationship."

"Are you calling me Uke?!"

"What the hell is that!?"

"It's the oppsite one from dominant."

"Sooo...you are passive!"

"NO! Kerri just makes me that in all her stories; and so do most other people!"

"Cause you act like a girl!"

Silver gasped, "I am not! I just happen to like stuff girls like, ok? Doesn't make me a girl whatsoever."

"So, the fact that only yesterday i saw you in a red sparkly dress, singing to Beyonce's 'Naughty Girl' makes me suspect that you just like to wear girl-like clothing and sing along to songs that were meant to be sung to _girls _and you want me to believe that you're totally manly?"

"Exactly!"

"Yeaaaa... not gunna happen." Dusk chuckled.

"And why not!?" Silver asked angerily.

"Because that is not normal!" Some more dramatic music from before started to play again, and the kitsune and hedgehog looked towards the auidence blankly to see who was playing it now. To their surprise, it wasn't Kerri--the narrator! It was one of her best friends, Liz! Oh noes, the world was about to explode... but, for some reason it didn't. "Ohmygawd, whyismySonicdoingthatwithShadow?!" She asked fastly, completely flabbergasted at the scene in front of her.

"Cause, i made Sonic and The ultimate gay-form fall in love!" Kerri answered rudely, turning off the music and then saying, "Ok! Back to the show, or fic, or...whatever!"

Everyone--including you--looked to see what Liz had previously been looking at; now, there was a white substance on the red-colored sheets.

"Ew! What the hell?!" Dusk randomly yelled, pointing towards it. But, then she noticed something even more important: neither of the hedgehogs were in the room.

"hey! What happen to my stars? My gold? MY MONEY!" Kerri cried out loud, realizing it too, "I was going to make a ton of money off of them!"

"Oh, quit your bitchin' already! Sonic and Shadz probably wanted their privacy." Silver butted in, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Coming from the guy who was drooling over how hot Sonic and Shadow look together, yeah." Dusk said sarcastically.

"But we _are _smokin' ass _fiiiiinee_..." A voice spoke up randomly.

The crowd gasped at Sonic as they saw him standing on the side of Dusk and Silver, in the doorway. The blue speedster was flashing a cheeky grin at them.

"Oh, babe, don't mind these people." Another voice said. Shadow randomly came out of the house and wrapped his arms around Sonic's waist.

"AWWWWWW, Love!" An applaude of awe was stated, and Kerri made a whistling sound.

"Shut up! And stop filming us, you bastard!" The ebony hedgehog suddenly snapped at Dusk, who was holding up the camera in their faces.

"Sorry, but would you like me to tell the world your dirty secret?" Dus--I MEAN, Duck, smirked as the auidence looked at her with questioning looks.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh you know _exactly_ what i'm talking about! I mean, about you and fluffy~" She cooed.

Suddenly, it felt as if Shadow went pale--or gray, more likely--at her statement. "W-Who told you?"

"Silver did," She smiled.

"Silver!!!" Shadow turned to the ivory animal and litterally shot daggers at him, and exploded. "**YOU TOLD DUSK OF ALL PEOPLE?!**"

"W-well.. she asked." he tried to fake a weak smile, but way deep down, he was so scared of Shadow now, about to pee his pants.

"Told Duck what?" Everyone turned towards Sonic as he said that and the--_**LAME**_--suspense built up.

"That Shaddie-kun and Silvy-kun did it." Ooh, that sneaky devil!

"Did what?" And, ooh, that bluderious idiot!(LOL, jk!)

"Did it! It, as in, had sex!" Dusk exclaimed, flailing her arms into the air.

"..yea, probably when they were _dating!_" Did Sonic not get it(no pun intended) or something?

"NO! As in, they did _**IT**_ in the bathroom tonight, you fucking dumbass!" White teeth were bared out to Sonic; oh how she was frustrated with him.

"What!?" Emerald eyes turned to ruby, then to golden and then back. "_Whyyyyyyyyyyyy~?_"

"Cause i wanted to find out his size for her!" Silver pointed an accusing finger at her.

"ME!? I didn't tell you to loose your virginity to him!" Dusk exclaimed again.

"For the last time, i didn't loose it to _him!_" Silver said, pointing to Shadow now.

"I doubt Blaze would do it with you!"

"Well, she did!"

"Lesbian, blah!"

"I di--say what?!" Silver now questioned, very flabbergasted at such a statement.

"Blaze is a frickin' lesbian, get over it!"

"No she isn't!!!" Suddenly, she flashed a picture in front of his face. "Woah! Wh-where did you find that?!"

"In her draw."

"B-but, she's not!"

"Explain this picture then."

he took a closer look at it and then noticed something in it and smirked. "Ok, but why does Blaze have three fox tails?"

"I kn--SAY WUT?" She looked at it now, and then blushed furiously; her plan was up in smokes.

"Enough!" Sonic snapped at everyone, foam staggered around his mouth as he made a snarl. "You effin' bitch." The blue furball turned towards Kerri--or me, the narrator--and then attacked me.

Soon afterwards, Shadow, Silver, Dusk, Amy, and even Tails--who was randomly being a pimp somewhere in Westpolis just moments ago--all attacked me as well, as i ran right out of this fic and out of the universe.

_The End... D8 WAAAAA!_

**AN/Kerri: I swear, i wasn't on drugs while writing this! XD**


End file.
